Web of Progress, Web of Limitations

tip tap
click clack
it leaves me wanting more

send delete
open close
now we're moving faster

minimize, maximize
so much to read and learn
i see works gutenberg never fathomed

an app for this an app for that
message me and let's start to chat
welcome back user, you have 500 new messages

we burn the candle at both ends
in efforts to keep pace
but try in vain we will
until realizing
no point click smiley
can ever rival face to face

the human frame
undignified
inside a pixellated cage

inwardly we groan
true feeling unexpressed
a yearning to grow closer

assume we shall
until we know
what avatars removed uncover

without a bridging thread
connecting digital with flesh on flesh
words remain abstractions

after pondering a text on screen
our sense of wonder may multiply
when moved beyond the digitati

the breath from the mouth
the gleam in the eye
they never cease to amaze

families gathered over meals
or moments filled with laughter peals
joined hearts and lives form common bonds

a shoulder to cry upon
a loved one to console
a partner to play with
connections that transcend wires and waves

in joy and in pain
beauty and deep ugliness
at times hurt yet forgiving
we step into the flames of life united

"It's Complicated"

Ahh, the difficult web of relationships.

Tonight I went to see the film "500 Days of Summer." The movie is relatable on many levels for so many young adults: not doing what you're really passionate about because you don't think you can get there, dreaming big dreams that it seems might never come to pass, feeling lonely and longing for love as a cure for that loneliness.

Young and naive, we wander our way into adulthood, without a true manual showing us which way points north. Sure, our parents have done this, and stumbled through along the way. But, the world today is a different place, and while human nature is much the same, there are new complications. We must decide for ourselves whether the dreams of our youth were mere figments of imagination, whether things like true love and fate really exist, or if it's all mere chance. Nobody can really tell us how to do it until we live it and (by living it) know it for ourselves.

Meandering into a kaleidescope of visual stimuli and a delicious selection of folksy indie rock, mixed with a few Brit rock classics here and there, I found myself entranced in the imagery, along with the plot. The film's main character is trained as an architect, and yet he finds himself making greeting cards for a living. He reads Alain de Botton for fun and dreams of redesigning cities, but can't quite seem to understand that his path could involve becoming an architect. As he wanders along the course of life trying to find himself, he falls into a relationship (of sorts) with an intriguing young woman. Her mind and her personality stimulate him, and she's not bad on the eyes either, and so his interest grows rather quickly. Before even knowing her middle name (perhaps), he knows she's the one; of course. Boy with aimless ambition, but full of idealism, suddenly hitches his humble wagon to her sparkling star.

Plot thickens. Meanwhile, female lead says she doesn't want a commitment and doesn't need a man. She builds walls and barriers to keep said male from getting as close as he might like. The conversation's good, they like similar things, he engages some of her deepest longings...but something's always missing. She can't quite put her finger on it, until one day... Before revealing the plot, i'll stop.

What this film reminds me of as a young woman full of dreams and hopes, few of them realized, is that all is not lost. A secretly hopeless romantic still at heart-although I like to hide it even from myself (partly to shield myself from inner hurt and turmoil, and also partly to prevent a resurfacing of wounds from the past)-, I long for the day when I can truly say "this makes sense." Right now, it doesn't make sense. Almost everything is complicated, and I feel like an oyster without a shell. I'm tired of complicated relationships, i'm tired of putting effort into projects and ideas with seemingly little outcome, and i'm tired of always feeling like my deepest hopes will never come to pass. There's nothing worse than false hope: placing your heart's desires in something that doesn't pan out. Sometimes it's a relationship. Other times, it's a career path that doesn't quite work out. Mostly, it's holding life's circumstances to expectations that are probably a bit unrealistic. However, every now and then those deepest passions get stirred and our inner selves, often quenched by the world of adults and responsibility, reemerge-choking, gasping, begging for air.

As 500 Days' narrator weaves his tale, he shows us that those things longed for are worthwhile, they're just often misplaced. We live in a universe of infinite grandeur, with finite minds and bodies trying to comprehend it all. Sometimes, it all feels just a little too complicated for our liking and we just want to give up. We might like fun and games for a while, but eventually we tire of the daily grind, or even passing pleasures. Longing, most deeply, for something permanent, something real, something lasting, we ache for meaning. Sometimes the comprehension feels like grasping and groping along a muddied floor; other times glimmers of sunshine pierce through the rafters. This film, albeit melancholy, provides one of those glimmers for the hopeless romantic in us all.

What is a Vocation?

In the midst of the journey of finding "what comes next," i've been finding more of myself by waiting than I ever did by doing. Ironic, eh? Ignatius, Merton, and other famous contemplatives all speak to this reality in their writings on the true self. The true self is content to just be.

When it comes to vocation, i'm by no means "there," and the "there" isn't something I can simply arrive at. It is something that comes as the threads of the story in which i'm participating braid themselves into the core of my existence, with a lifetime of living into its essence. Amidst some of my studies, I recently ran across a rather thoughtful book on the topic of vocation put out by several scholars at Loyola University. The book, entitled "Revisiting the Idea of Vocation" presents a plethora of discussions on the topic of vocation. It is an excellent read underwritten by a generous gift from the Lilly Endowment. While many of the authors are engaging, I particularly liked what one of the scholars, Mark McIntosh, had to say in his chapter, entitled Trying to Follow a Call: Vocation and Discernment in Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress. Here are a few of the lines that I noted:

Vocation as the calling to exist: “To pursue one’s vocation in this sense, then, means becoming more real, moving beyond a kind of stymied, half-life caricature of oneself. It means moving beyond a response to calling that is merely a biological drive to go on existing and toward a listening, responding, choosing, delighting personhood. This kind of personhood involves the risk of setting out from the self given to us by our biology, or constructed for us by our culture, and embracing the call to relationship with others who stretch us beyond the limits even of what we thought of as our selves, and on into a deeper truthfulness of being. This is the calling, the vocation, that religious thought understands as the calling into being, by virtue of a calling into relationship with God.” (120-121)

“The urgency of vocation is truly pressing, and it can only avoid hardening into fierceness and zealotry if it understands itself in the milieu of a universal love. There are no easy algorithms for calculating the justness of this or that step in the working out of an authentic vocation, and sometimes it will be necessary not to cease loving one’s own but perhaps to place our little love in the context of a much greater love, and trust that the greater love can alone supply what is most truly needed.” (138-139)

Relationship

we are a world starved
desperately craving
relationship

it's not all bad
in fact, it can be really good
we were created for relationship

but it's not all good either...
because we are starving
we often settle
we settle for some one who doesn't point us to christ
the thing that we are truly longing for the most
and the only one who can truly fulfill us
or we settle into thinking that we can fix that other person's problems
and be enough for them
we can't.
and sometimes, we settle into thinking that no one can ever love us
because we're too messed up for that
wrong thinking leads to a bad view of relationships
that doesn't give them their proper value, or see them in the right framework.

we waste our hours away on "the quest"
looking for the right, perfect one
or stalking who we think is the right perfect one on the facebook
we think "maybe this is the one" all the time and miss the moment and the opportunity that the lord has for us at the unfolding of each new day

does such a one exist?
right? I would say yes. we were created to have only one relationship, one man, one woman. (beautifully, this reflects the gospel-of Christ and his church)
perfect? I would say no (however, while they won't be perfect, i also think it is extremely valuable to evaluate the character of a potential mate)

I thought about all of this tonight as I was looking at something that has entertained me greatly over the last several weeks...
it is something called "missed connections" on craigslist, where people post about their random crush sightings
and call out desperately for that person who they missed a chance to talk to, or take the next step with
hoping they will respond saying they feel the same way

i would say that the missed connections list reflects a bigger problem...
we are crying and calling for what humans can't fulfill
yet, we were created to need other people
this desire though, reflects a greater need in us...
that we need god in a deep deep way
as isaiah 54:5 says "For your Maker is your husband-the LORD Almighty is his name"
we were created to have an eternal relationship with God, that is meant to impact and shape every facet of the way we interact with and relate to other human beings

Adam was made in God's image in the garden, meant to reflect the very character and nature of God
His wife, Eve, was made from his very body...bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh
She was fashioned from the first man (ie. from God's image) into one who could be united to Adam, as he was united to God
the two were meant to be united together, and together to have a right relationship with God

obviously, Adam and Eve didn't get it right.
They fell, hence the plight of mankind.
But as discussed earlier, there is great hope, Christ has come to make the relationship between mankind and God right
As his children we can be reunited with him
we don't have to long anymore

...after that rambling diatribe, back to my original topic, which is nonetheless intricately tied to the creation relationship theme
in light of all of this...what does it mean to have a good, balanced
give and take relationship?

i believe it is one
that involves sexual desire, sacrifice, oneness, and beauty.
i think it is only best seen within the confines of marriage.
it involves a unity that cannot and should not be broken.
the give and take don't have to be mutually exclusive either, i think
the giver gets (takes) joy just from giving to the receiver
the receiver takes joy in the gift, and wants to give back to the giver
it becomes a wonderful cycle of love...
putting the other before oneself
and in return, getting a great kind of affection...

all of this only works when christ is the focus of the relationship.
but as humans still struggling with the sinful nature, that can be really hard to maintain.

further, the husband clearly has a different role in the relationship than the wife,
but both are called to love each other in a putting the other first sort of way, although i think it plays out slightly differently for each sex (in a biblical context)
but this topic we can save for another day

these are some of my ramblings; what thoughts do others have on this topic?