Hidden Treasures vs. Open Book: A Few Secrets to Long-lasting Relationship

Who are your best friends? Why would you consider them such? For me the answer to the second of these questions is easy: because they know me, the real me, the incredible heights to which I am capable of climbing and the horrible depths to which I have fallen; they don't know all of me, no one can, but understand that inner person better than any other people. These are the people who can quickly affirm me with only a quick nod and raising of the eyes, and who can show me i'm in the wrong simply by not speaking at all.

One thing i have learned, and stumbled through, in the process of developing relationships with others is the role of mystery in a real, rooted relationship. In the kind of friendship that is going to stand the test of time, there is no forcing in, no "tell me your life story in five seconds." There is, instead, a slow unfolding of the many furls of experience and personality that comes over the period of years rather than days or months. To know someone well, you have to be willing to be patient, and you have to be willing to not get everything at first bite. If we make the assumption that we have gotten everything in one fell swoop, then we're likely missing out on the butterfly hiding out inside the cocoon.

However, we live in a culture of first bite taste good or move on. This translates to the way we present ourselves, particularly through internet mediums. "Hi, my name is Janice and my ten favorite bands are x, y, and z, and if you want to know my favorite movies, just scroll down a bit further; and if you hadn't guessed it, my favorite quotes are all listed there too." If our list isn't cool enough, have we somehow missed the boat? If we leave off our favorite books and forget to link our pictures are we doomed for failure in life and work? What does this jargon and information even mean? And is it real? No, seriously, can anyone really be described in a large white box with a bunch of text?

Hiding just below the surface of most people is a treasure box waiting to be opened. This box contains pieces of gold, silver, and even some odd knicknacks from the past. However, this box can only be opened slowly and the contents viewed one at the time. If someone tries to grab too much at once, he'll find himself like the kid who stuck his hand in the candy jar, trying to hold more treats than will fit through the mouth of the jar. When it comes to our delicious candies, though, many are encouraging us to put them out for all to see. "Status update: I'm off to the store to buy some new rainboots. (posted 2 minutes ago)" Laying all your cards down on the table for all to see may seem wise initially, but its really just an act likely to result in someone taking advantage of you.

I've used the internet as an example, but really this kind of thing transcends medium, and its really all about what you choose not to say rather than what you choose to say. By self-promoting we may gain fans, but we're not likely to gain real friends. Real friends listen, they don't just speak. And a humble friend doesn't always feel the need to have his opinion heard or presence recognized, oftentimes he/she is just happy to be at your side.

Furthermore, when it comes to relationships, there are multiple kinds. One kind involves a "what can I get out of this?" mentality, whether its building a relationship for networking purposes or simply sucking a person dry for their intriguing take on life/culture/or anything really. Meanwhile, another kind involves a growing mutual affection that is built over the course of years. The kinds of friends that fall into the latter category likely are not the ones who post on your "wall" all day long, or retweet your stream of consciousness remarks. Why? because these people are walking through life with you, whether from next door or across the world. These people are joking with you over the phone, gathering for a meal, or enjoying a quiet evening on the veranda simply enjoying your presence (and you theirs).

...this post is somewhat of a stream of thoughts, at this point an incomplete dialogue, but there is more to come on this topic

Millenials and Computers

Check out this piece: http://cardusafterhours.wordpress.com/2009/10/15/the-millennial-muddle/.

A brief clipping from the aforementioned piece: "The internet millennial finds computers themselves an impenetrable haze and knows, even if in advanced ways, how to operate devices but not how or why they work."-Robert Joustra

Making Sense of Electric Impulse

Hello passengers, welcome to the world of 3G networks. Here you can text your boyfriend/girlfriend from Paris a thousand times a day on an international unlimited plan, or probe blog subscriptions virtually anywhere from a machine you can fit into your pocket. Through that curtain you'll see Sammy staring at a screen late at night, surfing his latest matches and hoping he'll find "the one." Meanwhile, to your left is Patricia, who has tracked down her high school best friend, and is now writing her a very long "wall post." Finally, just ahead is interior decorator Alice, who has virtually sketched out the living room for her new client and is now custom-ordering linens, wallpaper, and seating to arrive in a few short weeks.

In less than a single lifetime, who would have thought we'd be here, connecting across the globe via keypad, screen, and some welded pieces of metal and microchips? Marshall McLuhan once predicted the rise of a "global village" where walls would come down and people across the world would live together. And yet, in moving towards such a village, society has created new walls of separation-profiles, avatars, and inboxes. We can connect in seconds to anyone around the world, but is instant and utterly convenient connectivity really what we need? Perhaps not, but regardless this is the world we live in.

Far too often I've been the writer criticizing technology for how it squelches and misshapes our true humanity, failing to note that technological outcomes are the results of human actions. I have some friends who continually challenge me to look for the shimmers of goodness in things, rather than dreg up the dirty rags. Admittedly, I often find myself in the camp of those who are readily willing to criticize problems, but perhaps not so willing to be a part of a working solution. In efforts to mitigate my own distaste for and disallusionment with modern technology and move in the direction of a "working solution," I have decided to embark upon a new project.

I envision this project looking something like a series of posts that detail my findings, and what follows is a loose outline. In this upcoming series, I'd like to take my readers on a bit of a journey-first into the annals of history to determine what norms and values have made our world what it is today, particularly in the realm of technology. Secondly, I would like to meditate briefly on the status quo-what sums the present role of technology and what we make of it. In this section, I will highlight both the bad and the good, helping readers see both sides of the coin rather than just the positive or just the negative. And finally, I will glance briefly into the future, but not into "what's coming up," but rather what could be. In this section, I will make recommendations, of sorts, on how we can thoughtfully utilize and harness technology, using it for good rather than evil, and in service of others rather than our selves.

This is quite a lofty project that I 1) feel completely unqualified to see to its completion, 2) am simultaneously dying to tease out, and 3) think could profoundly change the way I interact with and engage in modern culture. This is going to be a journey, so buckle your seatbelts.