A Day of Many Graces

There is joy in the surrender
in putting it all before him
and saying
i can't do this
i don't want to do this
i need you to take my heart in the palm of your hand
and hold me
and he does

Such is the place that I find myself in after a variety of events, which have unfolded over the course of the past few days.

A few days ago I started reading The Shack and it has been a tool of reawakening for me...reawakening in the most interesting sense. It, amongst some precious conversations and daily events, has helped reawaken my heart to the relational nature of God.

As I was sitting on the couch in my family's sunroom this afternoon, my sister saw me reading the book and informed me that it was "heretical" and "evil." I cannot say the same. This book has profoundly impacted the way that I approach God, and not in any heretical sort of way. For the past few months, as i've sorted through many life changes, I have found myself yelling at God pretty often...asking the question "why" almost every day, falling tearful before him multiple times a week. Reading about the character Mack's own struggle to understand God's will and ways, in the midst of hurt, and brokenness-trying to understand why God would allow something like his daughter's abduction-and seeing the picture of a loving, embracing, personal Father, Son, and Holy Spirit has rocked my world. Admittedly, it has been a while since I truly trusted that God has my best in store-my head believed it was true, but my heart in the midst of my circumstances did not.

What this book, and my day-to-day life that has accompanied my reading, has taught me thus far:

1) to step back and relax when little things go wrong, ie. when the bowl of "japanese sauce" falls on the floor. to just realize that it's not that big of a deal.

2) to enjoy the personal nature of God. to really treasure the fact that he knows me so intimately and loves me completely...and i'm not going to lie, this book has made me even more excited to "enjoy him for eternity"

3) to work through my sorrow and pain rather than holing it up in my heart. not to hold back the tears or hurt, but really to bring everything before him and push through the hard places with his help.---"It does a soul good to let the waters run once in a while-the healing waters." (The Shack, 83)

4) his ways are not my ways. i often do not understand what God is doing in the midst of a process because, well, I am in process and can only see the immediate.---"Who wants to worship a God who can be fully comprehended, eh? Not much mystery in that." (The Shack, 101)

5) take pleasure in the small things...an opportunity to stand beside a friend and help them wash dishes, a crisp evening breeze flowing through the window, a park where I drive my sister to soccer practice that "just so happens" to have a walking trail. the "just so happens" in life are not really "just so happens." they are pieces that god is "weaving into the sweater," as my mom so poignantly said during a conversation while I was driving home yesterday.

Today was a day of many graces because God met me where I was and worked through all of the delicacies of life. He enabled the following: reassurance and comfort in the midst of hurt and brokenness, pleasure watching children playing on bicycles outside, an appreciation of the warm summer evening walking along a tree-lined greenway. He helped me to not only rest, but to be present...to not just drive my sister 30 minutes to practice, but to genuinely seek to love and engage her in conversation. He enabled me to hug my grandfather as he fearfully went into surgery this morning, telling him that I loved him. He enabled me to look deeply into my grandfather's tear-filled eyes and know that hope is more than temporarily mended health problems. God was gracious in allowing me to experience all of life-the joy and sorrow-and see that he was good, and working for good, in the midst of it all.

Revelation 1: 4-6
"John, To the seven churches in the province of Asia: Grace and peace to you from him who is, and who was, and who is to come, and from the seven spirits before his throne, and from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth. To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood, and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father—to him be glory and power for ever and ever! Amen."