Leaning In, but Only When Your Heart Is In It

Have you ever pursued something that you felt like your heart wasn't in? Maybe it was a relationship? Maybe a friendship? Maybe a job?

You worked at it, and worked at it, and then worked some more. But it just seemed so hard, so toilsome, with so little fruit to show for your labors. I believe that good things aren't supposed to feel deeply toilsome. That doesn't mean we don't persist, but it does mean we should start to pay attention when the toil lasts longer than we expected, especially when the toil is voluntary rather than involuntary.

There has never been a time when I pursued something wholeheartedly where I wished I had toiled a little longer at the wrong thing. The right things in our lives feel good. They feel like stepping deeper into a pool of cool water. They feel oddly familiar, and oddly good. Sure they're hard, but its a different kind of hard. Its a kind of hard that brings us life, and reminds us why life is really worth living.

Take my decision to leave a good job to pursue design school, for example. In a down economy, I decided to get a master's in a field that at the time felt superfluous, and unproven. I went to study design thinking, a field that only a few years beforehand had been heralded a "Failed Experiment," in Fast Company magazine no less, by Bruce Nussbaum no less. But scholarly business writers don't always get it right.

No one could have ever predicted what a "good experiment" design thinking might be for business at large. It is now being adopted by companies across the country as "the next wave of corporate." And its disrupting business as usual in industries like financial services, transportation, healthcare, and insurance, just to name a few. There are now too many case studies to ignore: design thinking hasn't failed, but it did need to evolve.

And so it is, too, with our pursuits, large and small. Sometimes, we need to evolve our own thinking to find the place that's right for us. In my latest post, I mentioned an inspiration for a new series: sticky buns. What's my sticky bun? I'm only just figuring that out. And the only way i'm learning how to do that is by tasting lots of things that turn out to be a lot more salty and crunchy than my palate prefers. I've leaned in a lot over the past year, but i've learned that sometimes leaning in isn't enough. When your heart craves sticky sweet, sometimes you've got to let it have it, rather than trying to convince your heart that salty is more your style.

Something Old, Something New, A Time to Borrow and Renew

For a little over four years, this blog has been defunct. It was once one of the most powerful means of creative self-expression I had: in jobs I where I struggled to find meaning, in hard decisions, in breakups, and in self-exploration.

Today, I have found many of my deepest passions and my life calling. But the journey isn't over. It has really only just begun.

2016 marks a year where I have decided to return to writing, in one form and likely also several others. It also marks a year where I started to really grow my business beyond myself, realizing that maybe I had something pretty powerful on my hands but now needed to learn how to "give it away." That has been hard, and wrought with challenges. But its also been beautiful, and transformative. And its moving me towards the kind of legacy i'd really like to leave behind.

During the past year, I have stumbled upon a theme that has compelled me to write. It is a theme that I want to write about because of who I've become and because of the odd path that has taken me to where I am today. The breadcrumb trail isn't linear, and at times there aren't even crumbs to show the way. But I know the path that is wrought with years and I know what it has taught me, both good and true things. And tough ones, too.

Introducing A New Chapter

So now, I begin a new chapter, of which this blog will serve as the preface. This chapter will likely become a book, self-published or otherwise shared I know not yet. But I know, for now, its name: "The Sticky Bun Principle."

So welcome, to more mature and more brilliant Passionately Alive. Herein will live my early musings on the "Sticky Bun" theme. But, of course, if you're going to read along I must compel you. Well, here goes.

Sticky Buns, Huh?

What is a Sticky Bun? A sticky bun is that delectable thing that you think you really shouldn't have because it looks so enticing that it has got to be dangerous. Surely it will add pounds to your hips. Surely the sugar load alone will put you over your daily max.

And so you settle. You settle for the biscuit, the morning bran muffin, the chocolate chip scone. All great options, but not the Sticky Bun.

My goodness. Surely we weren't created to eat Sticky Buns!

Or were we?

The premise of my principle is simple: too many of us settle for less than Sticky Bun. We settle for a good enough house, a good enough relationship, a good enough paycheck. Yet our tummies are still craving Sticky Buns. We won't let our tummies have 'em because they're too indulgent, too pricey, and maybe also too messy. We even laugh at others who chase the Sticky Bun purveyors and imagine them wasting away with longing, all washed up without a penny to spare and covered in sugar.

But what if living well looked more like pursuing Sticky Bun ambitions than "good enough" ones? How would that kind of thinking shift our orientations and our priorities? And further, how might that kind of thinking encourage us to hope for more in the lives of others, not just in ourselves?

Let the idea of allowing yourself to buy more "Sticky Buns" really sink in. What does it feel like? Hard? Scary? Empowering? Just plain good?!

Let's go there, together. Join me as this story unfolds in the coming months.

-til next time, stay curious and stay on the lookout for sticky bun

Time for a Refresh

I've had this blog for years and while its themes still resonate deeply with my core, it's time for me to step into a new domain. As I kick off another quarter of design school and as part of a larger personal rebranding effort, i'm launching a new lifestyle blog entitled "Southern Indie." This blog will be less an information catchall and more an outpouring of some of my reflections on life as a small town southerner turned big city lover. Southern Indie won't house posts pertaining to all of my many interests, as did this blog, but it will focus on a growing theme in efforts to center and refocus my efforts as a writer.

I've enjoyed the past few years here at Passionately Alive, and look forward to this new beginning.

Meanwhile, you can check out the early prototype of Southern Indie here, and follow me on Twitter @southernindie. Hope to see you around soon!

Cheers and with lots of love, R